rewrite

Oh, how unnecessary that exclamation
mark is I mean just look at the way in which it sticks out
of that sentence as jarring as the toothpaste blob left there in the pristine sink much like your nomadic socks that seem to wind up not in the laundry but buried in your boots or that strand of hair that meanders so nonchalantly cutting across my immaculate pillow.

This will never work.